Hardest thing is letting go.....

A few more hours and we will be heading to Edmonton to catch the train eastward.
I am so grateful to Ma and Pa for the opportunity to go with them on this trip.
The emptiness that I feel having my children so far away is no less but I am grateful to have gotten to see everyone.
Mike and I were planning on building another cabin for us on our property. That has changed now. I would rather save the money to come and see my children and grandchildren every couple years.
That makes more sense for living on less and making due with what we have as well. The cabin that we live in was not built in the best location on the property but we will make due and get it all together with what we have.
My heart is heavy. Stifling a primal scream kind of heavy.
It never dawned on me years ago that I would not be able to be "hands on" with my grandchildren. And that rips my heart out.
The only things I have to give them are my time and my love of life and the natural world.
But we adapt(what choice is there)  Hopefully Hayden remembers the flower garden that we planted. And remembers to keep it watered and to take a picture for me when the flowers bloom.(then I will mail her a little something to add to her garden)
I love you guys so much. I am proud beyond words. I wish you all the best and rainbows and happiness and the strength to get through the rough spots.

A little out of my comfort zone but okay for a visit

 This Nanny and Jackson Lamont

 Nanny and Lincoln Charles

Nanny and Hayden Justus

These three are the highlight of my trip.
My heart is happy beyond words that Hayden now knows who her Nanny is.

A food court that serves actual food!!! Awesome. That fish was delicious. I have also had greek ad thai food. Loved both. Though next time I wouldn't get the hot sauce on the Schwarma(?)

I coped better with all the "commotion" than I ever thought that I would.
I could never stay here. It feels to me like all these people are trapped. They think they are free but they are not.
This trip really brought home just how differently that I live. How blessed that I am.
I really just think of the way that I live as normal and it seems extremely strange to me that people would not be fighting to get out of cities.

Nanny and Hayden planting some marigolds and petunias. Hayden promises to keep them watered and to send me a picture when they flower and Nanny will send her a little something for her garden as a reward.

home

Late tomorrow night we begin the long trek back to our beloved island. Three days on the train.
With soul deep sorrow we leave our loved ones on their own path and continue back to ours. Back to watching them grow on facebook.
It's the only reason that I live off grid and still have a cell phone; my personal preference would be to be without it. But it keeps me connected to my family and keeps me involved in the area cat rescue.

I am eager to get back to my critters and gardens and husband. Back to my slower pace of life. Back to the trees :)

Hopefully we will come back in a couple years.